I'm sure that by now you've all heard of this "SirCam" virus that's going around.  Chances are, you're experiencing some anxiety over the situation.  STOP!  The media is getting to you again...but they would never exaggerate or LIE to sell products, would they?  As a public service, this week I present a primer on Virii -- what they are, how they spread, and HOW NOT TO GET THEM!!!!

First, let's ease your current state of mind with a few facts about our new friend.  

 SirCam arrives as an e-mail attachment.  Y'know, those files that people sometimes send attached to email...{VIRUS AVOIDANCE TIP#1:  NEVER open email attachments, even if they look friendly!}   The virus targets users of Microsoft products and only works under the Windows operating system.  Yes, Mac owners don't have to worry (as much) about these things.  This is mostly due to the lack of desire to hack a Mac... If a victim is tricked into opening (Read:  dumb enough to open) the attached program, which is written in Visual Basic script, the system gets infected.

This virus then e-mails itself (which technically makes this a WORM and not a VIRUS...) to every email address it can find ANYWHERE in the system.  This includes such places as your Internet cache (which is a folder that stores your recently/frequently visited websites on your computer to speed your surfing.)  Unfortunately, that's why we here at Recording EQ have been slammed with this thing repeatedly.  Seems a lot of you have been reading this site.  That's great!  Seems a lot of you are infected with this virus.  That's.....well, it's NOT great..... Again, if you don't open unrequested attachments, you won't have these problems.   

When the feds find the evil culprit who unleashed this scourge on the earth, how much do you want to bet it's a minor?   His motivation?  Probably just looking for something to do...hehehehe

That's all well and good, but just what exactly IS a virus?  

virus n.  A program that seeks out other programs and "infects" them by embedding a copy of themselves in it. 

 It's like in Star Trek III, when Bones would talk and Spock's voice would come out.  Both beings were there, but one went completely undetected to the naked eye.  OK, I'll admit...that's stretching it.  To the point where it breaks and that brown gooey syrup stuff comes out and you have to beg your mom to buy you a new one (Wow!  let's see who catches THAT pop culture reference....my mailbox awaits...)  Anyway, let's continue:

Typically, a virus will attach itself to .EXE or .COM programs.  These are called "executable files." Then, everytime you execute an infected file, it starts spreading again.  One thing that many people don't realize is that a virus cannot spread without an executable.  That is, you can't get one by looking at .GIF images or .JPG images or MP3 files or .TXT files or anything else (unless they're really an executable with a false extension...but you'd have to rename it before it could do any damage.)  One exception is .DOC files.  These can contain a virus (in the form of an attachment) that only affects users of MS Word.  These "macro virii" take advantage of Visual Basic scripting capabilities in MS Word to do their stuff.   Don't worry too much about these.  Make sure your email reader is NOT set to "launch attachments upon receipt" or anything like that, and DON'T OPEN EMAIL ATTACHMENTS!

IMPORTANT NOTE:  At some point in the late 1990's, Microsoft decided that you no longer wanted to see those ugly file extensions anymore and opted to hide them from you by default.  The problem here is that I could name a file "hihoney.txt.exe" and if you're still set to hide file extensions, that file will appear to you as "hihoney.txt"  and to the computer as "hihoneytxt.exe" for all intents and purposes.  You double click that, and instead of a note from your honey, your hard drive gets completely optimized via formatting instead.  

But how do we fix it, O Strange One?  Open a window.  No, not like that silly.  On the computer!  OK....To make this simple:

Click the Space Invader if you want to know more about this.     Otherwise, continue on --

Most virii didn't used to do any damage to your system, either.  They might slow things down a bit or print a silly message on your screen, but that's usually the extent of it.  The problem came from adding itself to all your other files.  This'll fill up your hard drive in no time.  Eventually, more malicious virii came around that would go so far as to destroy all the data on your hard disk.  This is as bad as it gets to most people...total destruction.

We need to branch off....Trojan Horses are programs that do bad things, yet look like good things.  For example, a file named "porn.exe" or "getrich.exe" or "joke.exe" would NOT be a good file to run.  If some dork sends one of those chain letters to your email just throw it away and reflect on the pitiful being who forwarded this to you.  Do NOT, however, waste your time reading it.  It MAY contain something pesky...  Usually problems arise when you find a link to a file that is supposed to contain something really cool that you can't live without.  You run it, and instead of being UltraMegaCool Game 2000, it's instant death to your data.  Many times, trojans wipe themselves out in the process.  They can't spread on their own, they need someone to distribute them.  And they usually stick out like a sore thumb...  Again, DON'T RUN STRANGE LOOKING FILES!!!  OR FILES FROM STRANGE LOOKING PLACES!!!

A backdoor is a program that gets on your system disguised as something else, and when run on your computer, allows someone else to access your computer system remotely.  How much access depends on which backdoor.  Help prevent this tragedy by going into your Networking options and making sure that File and Print Sharing are turned off!  Only at home -- If you're at work or on a LAN, this will get you yelled at...  How can you prevent these programs from executing?  DON"T RUN EXECUTABLE FILES YOU ARE UNFAMILIAR WITH!!!  hehehe...now I'm having fun!  Quick test:  Go to your Start Menu, then select Find.  Search for "rundll.dll" (leave the quotes out)  If you have this file on your drive, email me , you've got a problem...

I'm not sure any of this will help you understand what a virus is, but one thing you do know is

DON'T RUN EMAIL ATTACHMENTS OR ANY OTHER STRANGE FILES!!!

and knowing is half the battle....

PS - Your credit card number is far safer traveling across a secure server on the internet than it is in the hands of an insecure server at a restaurant.

PPS - AOL is not the Internet

PPPS - If everyone was forced to get a license before operating a computer, we wouldn't be having these problems.  Thank you very much.

Do you understand it?  Are you completely lost? Do you give a rat's ass?  

Email me at frankg@alexandermagazine.com

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